Thursday, June 18, 2009

Country Life

Read this slowly. You might even need to reread some parts several times. I've made the font size bigger to help as well. I had a hard time reading the preview.

Well, we had a pretty good weekend. It started with Mike letting me sleep in and then we went to a Fall Festival at a friend's church. We stopped and got some lunch and mailed off my camera to be fixed. I was so proud of myself because I only ate half of my sub. I'm trying to eat half portions at each meal and so far I have lost 8.4 pounds.

So much for a nice happy afternoon. Peanut fell asleep when we were on our way home so I suggested we go grab a few pumpkins and some hay since my parents decided to come visit next weekend. We picked out three pumpkins and then tried to find some hay. I asked the people at the pumpkin patch where they got theres and the "Pumpkin Guy" suggested his friend out in the country. It's $4 a bale. Not to bad I figure, then came the directions. "Pumpkin Guy" called his friend to see if he still had bails of hay and handed the phone to Mike. So "Hay Guy" gave Mike directions on the cell phone while Pumpkin Guy gave them to me. It started with, you know that road that runs down behind the park? It winds around and goes up and down a few hills. At the bottom of the second hill, take a right and follow that road until you see a church on the left and then take a right off the paved road. :shock: OFF THE PAVE ROAD??? This is where it got fun. I swear I heard dueling banjos. Hay Guy told Mike to follow the dirt road and it's really curvy, like a black water snake. :shock: AGAIN, HUH??? I'm a city girl, speak in plain english! Thank God I married a farm boy from Texas. He knew exactly what they were saying. I'm about to pull out my Japanese dictionary and look for a translation at this point. Back to the directions, when you come to the second trash can, take a right. What he meant by trashcan was a city dumpster. :shock: Apparently when you live off an unpaved road, you have dumpsters scattered around. There are no road names at this point, but there are clumps of mailboxes with numbers that apparently correspond to the many trailers left to rot on this huge open field. The only reason the roads are dirt is because of the tire tracks. I guess you pick a spot, take the wheels off your home and drive your pick-up truck up and down a path to make your road. :? Ok, back on the quest for hay for my front yard. Well, I saw several trashcans and clumps of mailboxes. Hay Guy told Mike that his mailbox had metal letters on the mailbox. So, we continue to drive down the dirt path looking for metal letters on a mailbox. Lo and behold, there are dogs laying in the dirt right in our path. They raise their heads up and look at Mike like, You want me to move??? The banjos continued to play only a bit louder. So, the dogs finally moved and the dog with three legs, I named him Lucky, started chasing us down the road. Mike is not alarmed by this but I am freaking out. I figured if we hit him, he will never walk again because he doesn't have a spare leg at this point, right? Lucky leaves us alone after a half mile and we pick up a new pack of dogs. These dogs have the road blocked and are barking at us and charging at the front of my truck. Did I mention they are pit bull dogs? Mike slowly eased the truck through them and I swear one of them bit the bumper. Well, we found the mailbox with the metal letters and turned down yet another dirt road even worse than the last and encountered little boys with plastic guns. I've read about these communes were the children are the sentries while the adults have the real weapons inside aimed at you. Well, we thought it was the right place but the little sentries kept aiming this plastic guns at us and I told Mike to get the hell out of Deliverance! I was half expecting to see a hillbilly clan come out and surround our truck. I grab my cell phone and we have no signal. Again, the banjos are getting louder! We circle around a tree and leave. We retrace our steps and finally decide that had to be the right spot. So we go back and the little sentries chase us down and tell Mike that their Pappy said to come get you. I look at Mike and tell him I love him and start eating the other half of my sub so I will have enough energy to fend off any inbred monster that tries to take over my truck or harm my sleeping child. Mike comes back smiling and said that this is the place and I see Grandpa Walton come out and direct us to his barn which is hidden behind his trailer. We load up five bales of hay and are about to leave when Peanut wakes up and says, Horse mommy. Ride the horse. As Mike is coming around, Grandpa Walton says to Mike, I bet I have made something on my farm that you have never had. At this point the banjos are so loud I have a splitting headache, still no signal on my phone (DAMN T-MOBILE) and forsee a drinking game involving homemade hooch. To my surprise he tells Mike he makes homemade syrup. Whew, I signed so loud I think the earth reversed its rotation. So, we buy a quart of homemade syrup and Mike takes Peanut to the fence to pet the horse. Grandpa Walton invited us to come back in a few weeks to watch him make the next batch of syrup and drink some sugar cane juice. He also told us to come back and visit when we return from Japan and he would have his friend, Peanut Hay Guy, get us some peanut hay which is the best for growing tomatoes. Needless to say, the dogs had accepted our presence and let us leave unscathed. I wonder how next weekends plans will top yesterday.

Hugs and best wishes to everyone.

1 comment:

  1. LOL that was hilarious...I could picture it all in my head :)