Well, Michael and I are getting settled into our safe haven. I've always known that my parents were my safety net, but never thought I would have to use their home for a safe haven. I know that people have lost more than I have and suffered far worse that I want to imagine. Still, my world has been turned upside down. I have been fighting the tears and depression several times a day and yet I feel horrible that I am having a pity party for myself. I have never expected life to be easy but at this point, I would appreciate a little dull!
I don't regret evacuating or voluntarily departing Japan, but I do regret losing control of my life. I don't care what the military calls it, we evacuated an unsafe zone. I made this decision for my child and to protect his future. He deserves to have the best of everything and his quality of life was in jeopardy, or so it seemed. I know that many people stayed behind, but I also know they were not given the same options given to me. Those given the option of leaving jumped at the change. I don't feel like we were given the complete picture and allowed to make an informed decision. The truth was a missing factor in the huge equation thrust in our lives. Given the variables presented to us, I believe myself and my fellow evacuees made the right decision.
I think that I have been a good military wife and very supportive of my husband's career. I haven't always been happy with the tasks thrust upon me, but I did them with grace and style. I moved myself down to Pensacola, FL, while my husband deployed. Little did I know that this would not be the first nor the last move I would make on my own. Four years later I am doing the same thing but on a much larger scale. Now, I was moving my toddler along with two dogs half-way around the world while again, my husband was deployed. It was the hardest thing to do, but I did it and led the way for many families to follow in my steps.
Now, we fast forward to the place I call limbo. Limbo is an ugly word to me but I am trying to understand and redefine my life at the moment. I have left my home and the routine of my daily life to come and take what some call 'a vacation' at the governments expense. As I have stated in my previous post, this is far from a vacation or even a short get away. I am living in my childhood bedroom with my son and two dogs. I don't have the familiar things around me or even my favorite pictures. I brought one pair of shoes for myself and just two outfits. I am not able to relax or even enjoy this time with my family and friends because I am always on alert and trying to anticipate the next move of my son and the dogs. I'm on edge worrying about what my son or the dogs might break or ruin.
I find that writing this blog does help decrease some of the stress and anxiety while helping my friends and family understand my latest adventure. The biggest change we have made was registering Michael for Kindergarten at my old elementary school. We went in a little late this morning to just check things out and Michael asked to stay longer and even wound up riding the big yellow school bus home. He is all ready to start tomorrow morning and ride the bus to school with his cousin/brother. They are eight months apart and the best of friends. The best part of the day was their reunion on the playground just prior to Michael's departure home. Well, I guess I should get a few hours of sleep before I wake him up to get ready for his second day of school. Good night from Limbo-land.